I personally know a chick that's a regular of ladyboners and a few other sex related subreddits. You can't find happiness, you have to create it. Yeah, this is bullshit because it's advice that someone gives once they've already accomplished those things, without describing the process. Self-esteem doesn't magically come out of the ether.She's always in the subreddits trying to pick up on men, but it doesn't appear that they realize it. Normally, the reason people don't do these things is because they have some barrier to how they see the world--they don't trust people, they CAN' T put themselves out there because they're painfully shy, and the only thing worse than being how they are is giving up the only way of being that they've ever known. A lot of it involves getting in touch with yourself and others.Also she'll want to meet the guy that makes her feel the most comfortable in meeting. But I haven't seen a person yet who cannot improve his lot by working hard on improving it.For example, I love it when guys say they will meet up but no pressure on having sex the first time..meet and have drinks or whatever. Here's what I'd add to this -- the first time with a woman, it's not about you getting off. (This also applies to gay guys.) Forget you have a dick.You need very few things at your age to meet a wonderful woman, but it's a quest. You're Link, or Luke, or some other hero of the story. I highly recommend Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People as well as a book called The Magic of Thinking Big. Be genuinely interested in what someone else has to say. Work out for God's sake, make your body look good. I've had a strong six figure job and a self esteem that was shit and couldn't get a date. If you hate your job reconsider it, maybe you're in survival mode for money but whatever it is you choose to do, you choose it, and you make it something you can be enthusiastic about. If you're a punk with a mohawk then there's a different but similar thing going on, it boils down to making yourself feel good about you first. The average shyish person will begin to see that they're interpreting things wrong--that other people aren't reacting as badly to them as they think.First you must unlock the mystery of self confidence. Only the one true king can do it, but you just didn't know that was you the whole time because you were afraid to try. It's been a while, but I remember those as being very helpful to me in life. Because most people are not socialized well and they are taught to believe they deserve things they don't without effort. Now that you know how to communicate and you believe you can be awesome, start being awesome. I've also been a struggling artist and had to almost literally fight dates off. Mind, body, and soul is important, but the impressions are very, very important. If you feel good about yourself you will emanate something that is attractive. From there it's a long, slow process of becoming socially comfortable.Son, if you're 23 I have some words of wisdom for you. In the extreme case, talking to a professional therapist can help a bit.
If you go to a nice club, with a haircut and clean clothes and approach a woman, she may have only been talked to by a few guys in the past hour. Use dating sites to practice having conversations, but its a sucker's game. Do you fall in love with a girl just because she occasionally helps you out? You fall in love because of looks and character and her behaviour and likely because of a well formed personality. Oh, you sent 70 applications and still no one took you? Go places that look interesting alone--become a regular, develop zones of comfort outside your work/school and your home.
I don't know, I guess the only thing to do is keep trying.
Or kill myself, but I'm punting that until I'm 30, I figure 3 solid years of trying and failing is proof positive that things aren't going to work out.
Go get scared, screw up, grow some confidence, and meet people in the world. She is an interesting person, that's why you feel attracted to her, why you want to spend time with her. Did you ever consider that maybe you are not interesting enough for them to take you? Often mild alcohol consumption is an important thing for shyish people here.
I wish you the best young man, treat her respectfully and go make the old guard proud. You'll get the hang of it, but make her pleasure important to you. After the many messages that I've received I just made /r/Ask Dad. I am annoyed by Reddit, or, to say it more precise: By the attitude of a large part of the youth today. My favourite is the "Need work experience to find a job" thing that comes up every now or then. Because any employer knows that those who don't have work experience are probably at fault themselves. Why doesn't she love him for the things he does? And, sure, some women might more or less consciously exploit that. Maybe it's not your lack of experience, mabye it's your horrible spelling, your lack of skills, your subtle disrespect for them, or any other of a million things. Well, good for you that you exercise 15 minutes a day. But this is a lot of trial and error--you can read as many of Dale Carnegie and John Gottman's books as you want--the lessons don't completely make sense until you experience the situation in real life.