After an hour, the invitation, all chats and photos are erased. For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.There are apps that bring together people with similar nerdy interests, apps designed for encounters even more casual than what Tinder delivers, and profile-heavy apps that really get into the specifics of users’ personalities. Bumble is like Tinder, but with all the power in the ladies’ thumbs, and far fewer inappropriate pics.Here, the female always initiates, and instead of collecting matches, you’re forced to actually talk, with matches expiring after 24 hours (you can extend one promising connection per day).Talk with some sane, godly (confidential) friends your partner. Humble yourself and recognize that your partner with a sexual past may very well understand grace now far better than you do (Philippians 2:3). To stake our value in being the best at everything in a future spouse’s life is absurd.Jesus says, “Her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little” (Luke ). If dating is moving towards marriage, and you learn of a sexual history, recognize that you were never pursuing this person so that you could be the — for as long as they both shall live.If you’ve been dating via apps, you’ve almost certainly been swiping hard on Tinder. Happn matches appear in your timeline as you pass them in real life—link up the minute you match or later.But, there’s actually a whole slew of other dating apps that may be even more useful for you. The one drawback of the location focus is that after a bad date, you risk an awkward run in at the gym.
To linger in paranoid indulgences about one’s shortcomings will corrode your soul and your relationship from the inside out.
To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.
Search your heart and root out self-righteousness so that you’re not blind to see that God may be giving you marry your partner who has a sexual history, you will not be the best person in their life in every area of life. It is way too easy to become obsessed with a partner’s sexual history.
“The fear of man lays a snare” (Proverbs ): the trap is . Bringing your partner’s sexual past up repeatedly will destroy your relationship quickly: “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).
Obsessions with your partner’s past likely signals that you have some work to do. Make your close, trusted, selective friend group the place to think openly in confidence, and make your relationship the place where you speak intentionally and thoughtfully.