Using the microphone and ‘accelerometer’ to determine an accurate score, the app claims “All you have to do is start the application, put your i Phone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that.
Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.” Romantic.
You can then send them voice messages and videos of yourself, which to be honest will probably be used for more sinful than heavenly reasons really.
You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.
Pure is an app for those that want to enjoy Tinder but are too embarrassed or shy to put themselves out there.
Or who just want to hide the evidence that they’re into online hook-ups.
The main problem with the app is that joining the mile high club is probably a lot better as a fantasy than a reality – in reality your flight will just be full of hungover dehydrated adults, the occasional screeching stag or hen, and screaming children, which isn’t exactly the best pool to pick from. The app boasts that it will help you “bribe your way to a date”, by letting people exchange a bouquet of flowers, a romantic dinner, a shopping trip, or an outdoor adventure in exchange for a first date.Keep an eye on them while you’re hoping they’ll fall miserably out of love with their other half with the handy website Breakupnotifier does exactly what it says on the tin.Apparently boasting hundreds of members at universities across the UK, skint students can sign up to be “sugar babies” to either “sugar mamas” or “sugar daddies”.In exchange for a relationship (80% of Seeking Arrangement dates involve sex, but the founder Brandon Wade denies it’s a form of prostitution), cash-strapped sugar babies are lavished with gifts and cash allowances which average at £5,000 a month. If you have trouble with giving out satisfying oral sex, you should probably lick your phone instead.What if you’re not rich enough for Seeking Arrangement or Personal Dating Assistants, but still want to bribe your way to a date. “Online dating is a superficial game” says Carrot Dating, but promises “With Carrot Dating, you won’t get rejected before you even get a chance.Convince singles that spending time with you is worth it by making them an offer that they simply cannot refuse” It’s like The Godfather – but you know, for lonely, desperate creeps.Picture this – you’ve spotted someone you like flying past in a fancy car and managed to take down their license plate number before they sped off. You can then share your undying love for them and their ride by messaging them – probably something like “Nice rims” and not “I SEE YOU EVERY DAY WE’D BE PERFECT TOGETHER WINKFACE”.They have to have Platewave too, but that’s hardly the only boundary to finding love with this app.Simply choose which of your friends you want the site to send you notifications about when there’s a change in their relationship status. For those who want to know what that swipe left actually means, Heavenly Sinful is a simple way to find out exactly what they’re looking for.Then, if your Facebook friend changes their relationship status, the website will send you an email, so you’ll be right in there straight away. As well as swiping left you can use the app to specify whether you’re feeling Heavenly (“Let’s go for a cute Frappuccino and take selfies”) or Sinful (“Hey, I would like to have sex with you”).