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—Ambivalent About Sex As I say often, sex is never just about sex, and many components are contributing to your ambivalence: You’re concerned about rushing too fast, exposing yourself to STDs and not knowing how to please him; you’re not sure you would enjoy doing what he needs you to do and worry that the relationship won’t work out. There are plenty of ways to enjoy each other sensually and sexually without intercourse, as you’re discovering. Their erections and orgasms often require more attention from a partner.
At this point I’m okay with petting, but I don’t feel comfortable getting naked and doing more. First, I am very scared of having sex with someone who might have a sexually transmitted disease. So I would need to be sure the man was disease free before I would exchange any fluids, either through intercourse or fellatio.
Also, he mentioned early on that he doesn’t always have an erection. I don’t want him to ask me to spend ages masturbating him or giving him oral sex to get him aroused. Tell him that you enjoy the sensuality of what you’ve been doing, but you’re not ready to take it further and can’t predict when or if you will be. Meanwhile, a few things to think about: It sounds like he has hinted at his sexual needs but you haven’t ask him to clarify them.
You say you don’t want to do prolonged manual or oral sex for him, but what if that’s what he needs?
If the idea of pleasuring him however he needs to be pleasured turns you off, maybe he’s not the partner you want. If we feel connected to a partner, we to give pleasure as well as receive it.