When it comes to courting and dating, popular longstanding advice suggests that until the fish is on the hook, it is beneficial to adhere to certain "rules." These rules seem to offer a recipe for finding commitment and true romantic partnership, but what they invariably deliver is lopsided loving.In my experience treating couples and individuals, many hope that if they "play the game" correctly, their prince or princess will be the prize.Scripts are a key component of the branch of social psychology known as transactional analysis (TA), which no one talks about anymore.Books such as Eric Berne's What Do You Say After You Say Hello?With that in mind, opening up and getting to know someone does take a certain amount of patience.Assess each new partner as an individual, and stay keenly connected with how you experience yourself while in his or her presence.This is quite different from "role model" concepts of early development which emphasize the same-sex parent. One implication for men is that they should choose woman as mothers whose father they like, because their sons are going to resemble him in a lot of ways.
I can finally see how much I DO have to offer to a partner and look so very forward to a mutually satisfying relationship. I am single, yet learning about how to be comfortable in my own skin so when I am confident enough to venture back out into the dating world, I will attract someone who is seeing the real me and not some type of illusion I'm trying to hide behind.Also, I hate that sexual double-standard where it's implied that women "give" sex to men. I think it's up to the two folks to determine how long they can date w/o hitting the sheets. I think it's up to the two folks to determine how long they can date w/o hitting the sheets.Sex should be equal - two people wanting to be intimate with each other. To that I say...'Don't give away the salami for free'. "Why do I have to buy the cow if I am getting the milk for free? "Why do I have to buy the BULL if I am getting the beef for free? To that I say...'Don't give away the salami for free'. "Why do I have to buy the cow if I am getting the milk for free? "Why do I have to buy the BULL if I am getting the beef for free?Women just need to be upfront, what men hate more than anything is to be deceived.#2 Playing Hard to get --- I don't have time for that, besides its just a deceptive as the #1 good-girl act.Keep writing and get this stuff in the main stream where people can learn to stop shooting their selves in the foot.I'm glad to see that someone has some common sense! My thoughts on #1 is, you can wait all you want, if she's promiscuous, I'll figure it out before her phony waiting period is over.Rob and I will go out on our 4th date tonight :) Peace y'all, Denise What a lovely story, Denise! Congrats on reaching your true self and braving the dating world with comfortable success.I can totally relate to how you used to approach dating, feeling like you only have your appearance to offer. Your comment has really made me think about my self-worth and how I interact with men... The reality is, both genders are addicted to scripts that were forged from early life history experiences.But because playing a game necessarily translates into masking your authentic self, these rules cannot deliver the kind of genuine partnership on which true love is built.Instead, following bogus rules when it comes to dating invariably leads to one of two ill-fated consequences: Playing the game culminates in a kind of bait-and-switch in which one member of the new couple tends to feel duped; or one person continues to operate behind a façade so that he or she never becomes fully known by a partner and ends up locked in a one-sided relationship. It is important to have boundaries and to not reveal more or do more than you are completely comfortable with.